Get Ready To Rumble.
Once again, it's baseball time in America. And, judging from yesterday's extremely ugly Opening Day game, it's going to be a very long season for both the Rangers and the Phillies.
Speaking of baseball season: You've got 80 more chances to propose to your significant other on the team's scoreboard during one of its remaining home games. Should you decide to tempt fate in front of 30,000 other fans our in Arlington, know this: It'll cost you a cool $200.
Hey, that's better than the $2,500 it'll cost to propose at a Dodgers game this year.
Of course, there are plenty of better things to spend your money on tonight.
To that end, there are plenty of other places to publicly humiliate yourself tonight, too.
Burlesque: Strip, Strip Hooray! at House of Blues
The preeminent burlesque performer in the world — and spearhead of the art form's most recent renaissance — Dita Von Teese is bringing a show of her most unforgettable routines back to Dallas. Before you ask: Yes, she will be reviving the Swarovski Martini Glass act for this show, although, for this greatest hits performance, she'll bring out what she calls her “ultimate, most decadent, and dazzling martini glass ever!” — Cory Graves
April Fools Rumble at Sundown at Granada
Joining Blake Ward for his regular Sundown residency will be, well, us. And, in honor of next Sunday’s WrestleMania 30 we'll be spinning all the WWE entrance theme music you can handle while watching classic WrestleMania matches on the big screen. Come say hi. There will be free luchador masks while supplies last. So how will you find us? Oh, we'll be the ones in jorts, double-fisting cans of Lone Star while threatening to open up a can of whoop-ass on ya. This is not a joke. — CG
Conan's Writers at Dallas Comedy House
Do you feel like the only person from your Facebook feed that didn't score tickets to at least one of Conan's tapings this week? Don't feel bad. We didn't wind up with any, either. Still, bad as we would have like to gone to one of these, we weren't quite as committed to scoring standby tickets as the guys who set up tents outside the Majestic on Sunday night were, either. Anyway: Though it's not really the same thing — like, at all — a handful of Conan's writers are set to do stand-up at DCH tonight. As of this writing, Josh Comers, Dan Cronin, Andres duBochet, Brian Kiley, Laurie Kilmartin, Rob Kutner are all scheduled to appear. There are two shows, too: Doors for the first show open at 7 p.m., but that one is already sold-out; the second, at 10:30, has a few open spots left, last we heard. — CG
Billy Bob's 33rd Anniversary
Thirty-three years ago today, the self-proclaimed “World's Largest Honky-Tonk” opened its doors for the first time for a performance from the Gatlin Brothers. Unlike that show, which cost just $3, though, this happy hour lineup of Rodney Parker & 50 Peso Reward, Bobby Duncan, Joey Green and Sam Anderson — and it won't cost a thing. Various shows from 1310-AM The Ticket will be broadcasting on site throughout the day as well. The real trick will be trying to break the record of 16,000 bottles of beer sold during an especially memorable Hank Williams Jr. concert back in '86. That'll take some doing. — CG
Wave Racer and Trippy Turtle at The Globe
Trippy Turtle is an electronic producer from Europe. Wave Racer is an electronic producer from Australia. When their powers combine? Well, unfortunately, you don't get a Turtle Racer that you can ride down one of the cooler, under-utilized parking garages of downtown. But you do get this show from the Banjos to Beats and ScoreMore crews, which just might be the best excuse yet to check out this new, swanky, DJ-centric venue on Riverfront Boulevard. — Pete Freedman
To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.