Chase Some Paper With Curren$y.

While the holidays often bring with them an increased urge to drink wines — especially of the mulled variety — we'd just like to point you to the newest wine-related health study before you decide to order yourself a bottle or glass tonight.

Sure, dietitians have long touted the health benefits of wine-drinking, citing that it improves memory, that it's high in anti-oxidants, that it promotes longevity and that it can prevent some types of cancer, heart disease, diabetes and strokes, but it can have some unintended, potentially detrimental health benefits as well.

According to new research, moderate wine consumption also makes men's sperm stronger, healthier, and more likely to reach their intended targets, so to speak.

In other words: Those not wanting an extra mouth to feed in the coming months should probably think before they drink.

Or, y'know, you could just stick to the hard stuff.

Preservation Hall Jazz Band at Meyerson Symphony Center
The legendary jazz group from New Orleans — a city that's no stranger to great jazz — will be performing in the Arts District tonight. What is it about Christmas and jazz that goes together so well? Whatever it is, it's enjoyable. — Chelsea Upton

Noah Bailey, Ryan Thomas Becker and Daniel Markham at AllGood Cafe
It's not often that you find a trio this talented on the same bill, let alone playing in a restaurant and, essentially, for free. Drop by to coat your tummy with some rock-a-mole and toss a few bucks in the tip jar before heading out to some of the evening's later options. — Cory Graves

NOFX, Dillinger Four, Masked Intruder and The Implants at House of Blues
Three generations of Fat Wreck Chords bands appear together as part of this bill, although, as little as pop-punk's evolved over the past quarter-century, the night's proceedings should run together quite smoothly. Or about as smoothly as a bill featuring the lovably obnoxious Fat Mike possibly could. — CG

Brett Dennen at Granada Theater
Dennen's recently released fifth LP, Smoke and Mirrors, represents a back-to-basics approach for the old-at-heart 34-year-old — and one many critics have called his strongest effort to date. It was Rolling Stone's write-up, though, that made us feel like Dennen was the ideal headliner for this KXT-sponsored holiday bill when they wrote the following: “Its simple, upbeat message urges maturing rock fans to turn up their radios and stay forever young.” Sounds like a perfect fit, if you ask us. — CG

Red Bull Sound Select Presents: Curren$y at Trees
As a thanks for all of the support local music fans have shown for Red Bull Sound Select thus far we, Spune and Red Bull will be hosting a free show headlined by NOLA rapper Curren$y. Sure, being known as “New Orleans' hardest-working stoner” may sound like a pretty contradictory descriptor, but, in Curren$y's case, it's entirely fitting. Since 2012, the Louisiana rapper has released two proper LPs, five EPs, five mixtapes and turned in a couple dozen guest appearances on other people's albums. Just sayin': We're not sure we'd be nearly as productive if we smoked as much marijuana as Curren$y boasts that he does in nearly every one of his rhymes. Rounding out this bill are adored area rap acts A.Dd+ and -topic, plus Austin emcee Kydd Jones. Here's the deal, though: While the show is indeed free to attend, you'll need to RSVP here to get in. As is the case with most shows of this nature, an RSVP is required to attend, but does not require entrance into the room; the show remains a first-come, first-served affair, in that regard. So, long story short, you're gonna wanna RSVP — and fast — and then get to the venue as early as possible if you want to be a part of this madness. — CG

The Hobbit Double Feature at Alamo Drafthouse
Come for Peter Jackson's The Hobbit: An Unexpected Adenture at 9 p.m., stay for the midnight premiere of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Leave impressed that the Academy Award-winning director was able to squeeze six hours of screen time out of roughly the first 200 pages of the LOTR prequel. — CG

20th Anniversary Show at Hyena's (Fort Worth)
I'm pretty sure that Brian Posehn is very familiar with people stopping him and saying, “Oh, you're that guy! From that thing!” Chances are, if you've ever picked up a remote control in your life, you've seen his bespectacled visage doing bit parts and cameos. And this is a good thing, because Posehn's deadpan delivery is hilarious. You might remember him from The Sarah Silverman Show, or possibly from his role as Cousin Larry on the Disney Channel show Kim Possible. (Don't pretend you didn't watch it. Oh, you really didn't? I'll just sit in this corner, then.) Anyway, Posehn will help Hyena's mark its 20th anniversary tonight, headlining a bill that also includes Sean Kent from A&E's Modern Dads, Butch Lord, Jason Russell, Nathan Anderson and several guest appearances. — CU

Adult Crawl Night at Neiman Marcus
Are you barely an adult? Do you miss your infant days? Do you yearn to crawl on all fours, poop yourself and get spoon-fed by airplane-shaped spoons? That's really weird. You should go to a therapist! But, also, maybe you should go to the Adult Night Crawl at Neiman Marcus, where, for a $20 donation to the Food Bank, you can act like the the baby you always knew you were and crawl through the store's window display tunnels. — CU

'80s Night w/ Yeahdef at Hailey's
For years, DJ Yeahdef's weekly '80s and '90s nights nearly singlehandedly kept Hailey's Club in business. At least that's the way we remember it. Somewhere over the course of the past two years, the club lost its way — coincidentally around this same time that they initially cut ties with the DJ. But we digress. Thanks to the club's new ownership, Yeahdef will re-launch what was once the hottest dance party in town tonight. — CG

Shoptown at TractorBeam Gallery
Technically, this thing's a party. Hence all the booze, DJs, food trucks, photo booths and whatnot. But here's the thing: It's a shopping-themed party. Good thing, too. That way, at least you can feel a little productive while you're dancing your #icemageddon blues away. To that end, you'll find plenty of handcrafted local goods on sale tonight, including clothes, vintage jewelry and freeze-dried rodents (really). — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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