Sheezus Walks.

Robbing folks' homes is not only a job for an asshole, but someone with plenty of energy. A fine example is this guy, who broke into someone's home, gathered all jewelry he needed to buy all the peanut butter his heart desired, and took a quick nap before hopping out the window.

Unfortunately, his nap lasted long enough for the housemaid to find him still there when she came to clean. She called the police and now he's in jail on a $10,000 bond. And before you ask, yes, this happened in Florida.

Good thing, then, he's not one of your neighbors. The list of tonight's goings on is also looking pretty good.

Just make sure not to sleep on any of these events. — Chase Whale

Lily Allen at House of Blues
Lily Allen has sass in her class and is a diva with nothing to hide. Chances are super high she's going to be on her best behavior tonight, but except some shocks and rocks. Of course, nothing is more shocking than realizing her song “Alfie” is about Theon Greyjoy. — CW

Coheed and Cambria at South Side Ballroom
Coheed and Cambria has many talents, going through drummers is one of them. Tonight, they'll be rocking and rumbling the Ballroom with opening act, Thank You Scientist. — CW

Oral Fixation Best of Season 3 at Wyly Studio Theatre
Get your head out of the gutter, Oral Fixation's material is (mostly) PG-13. Tonight, the seven best fan-voted stories from the “true life tales” series' third season will be performed by their respective authors. And because even with 325 seats the theatre likely will have a hard time accommodating everyone that wants in tonight, they'll throw an encore performance tomorrow night at the WaterTower Theatre in Addison. — CW

Monday Night Football Watch Party at Henderson Tap House
Are you ready for some football? We hope so, because it's here to take over every bar you frequent. Every Monday, members of the Cowboys will be at Henderson Tap House. And you can bet after yesterday's much-needed win over the Titans, Cowboys center Travis Frederick and defensive tackle Nick Hayden will be in much better spirits than their teammates who were at last week's MNF festivities. — CW

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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