Shoot 'Em Down.

Spider-Man is a fictional character, sure. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have his limitations. According to a leaked agreement between Marvel and Sony, there's a list of things he simply cannot do or be.

For instance, Spider-Man is bound by contractual obligations that implicitly forbid him from being black or gay, or doing things like smoking, drinking to excess, doing drugs and all kinds of other fun stuff.

You, on the other hand, can do whatever the fuck you want. And if we were you, here's what we would be doing this evening. Y'know, because you can. — Cory Graves

The Beyond at Alamo Drafthouse
Helmed by Italian horror director Lucio Fulcio, and the second film in his Gates of Hell trilogy, 1981's The Beyond is a legend in the horror community. Said Fulci, himself, about his film, “My idea was to make an absolute film, with all the horrors of the world. It's a plotless film, there's no logic to it, just a succession of images.” Let's just say he succeeded. And how. — CG

Whitesnake at Verizon Theatre
Here they go again. The 85th greatest hard rock band of them all — according to VH1, anyway — hits the Dallas suburbs tonight. Going down the only road they've ever known. Literally. Taking all the guesswork out here, the band's already announced this is purely a greatest hits tour. — CG

The Memphis Dawls at Dan's Silverleaf
With their debut full-length Rooted In The Bone — which was recorded in part at Sun Studios — gaining traction of late, Memphis folk trio, The Memphis Dawls follow up last night's Dallas show with a quick trip up I-35 to Denton. There, the trio will be joined by danger folk outfit Hares on the Mountain, a band that's no stranger to this stage to say the least. — Evan Henry

Pour Man's Beer Dinner at The Common Table
Starting at 6 p.m., every Monday night, the Common Table is home to the “Pour Man's Beer Dinner” where the not-really-that-poor Dallasite can grip a four-course meal paired with a four-beer flight for $29 a head. Even better? The menu and featured brewery is different with every week. — EH

Outward Bound Mixtape Sessions at Crown and Harp
This regular Monday night event promises to be anything but regular. Curated by the always cutting edge Stefan Gonzalez, Dallas' best, if not most interesting drummer, these pretty-much-weekly events tend to host some of the most challenging and “out there” performers in town. You may love what you hear, or you may hate it. Either way you absolutely won't find it boring. — CG

To find out what else is going on today, this week and beyond, check out our events page.

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