How To Survive An Earthquake In Dallas.
In the past 24 hours, North Texas has experienced at least 10 earthquakes — most notably the 3.5 and 3.6 quakes that struck yesterday afternoon.
Of course, you already know this because, real talk, it's all anybody's been talking about of late.
There's good reason for that, really. Not only is Dallas a place that's never historically had to deal with earthquakes, but it's also looking less and less like yesterday's quake-a-palooza was a onetime thing. There have been 19 earthquakes in the past month alone, and 39 in the past year. A little weirdly, most of them seem to emanate from remarkably close to the site where the old Texas Stadium once stood.
Irving ISD, for one, has taken notice, saying this morning that its schools were going to be holding earthquake drills in the coming days.
That's smart. It never hurts to be well-equipped to deal with these things when they happen. And the best way to do that is by preparing yourself ahead of time, learning how to survive during a seismic event and what steps to take the next time tragedy strikes.
With that in mind, here's all the advice you need to survive the next earthquake in Dallas.
• Bring In Reinforcements: To date, infrastructure in Dallas hasn't been built to withstand earthquake-force rumbling. This makes sense as, historically, there's never been much seismic activity around these parts. Good thing, then, that for just tens of thousands of dollars, you can retrofit your home with cripple wall bracing, foundation bolting and hold-down brackets to bring that sucker up to code.
• Stock Up On Supplies: If a quake does hit, it could knock out power for extended periods of time. So don't count on the food in your fridge staying fresh. Keeping as many non-perishable foods around is definitely a good idea. Just know, should the worst possible scenario occur, it might be necessary to subsist on nothing but Twinkies for weeks.
• Drill Baby, Drill: The best way not to get caught off-guard by a deadly seismic event is to stay alert 24/7. If you just act like an earthquake is happening at all times, you'll be more than ready when the real thing hits.
• Confirm The Event: Before you get too freaked out, confirm that the ground shaking you are currently experiencing is, in fact, caused by a real live earthquake.
• Take Cover: The standard protocol for enduring an earthquake is to “drop, cover and hold on.” Basically, at the slightest vibration, you should immediately dive under the nearest table. This will probably happen several times a day from here on out, so you may even want to make sure you've got some good magazines/snacks under the furniture you're around most often.
• Stay Put: After the initial event, smaller tremors called aftershocks are likely to occur, with the strongest ones happening in the hours immediately following the first quake. So it's a good idea to camp out in your safe space under the table for several hours — just to be sure the worst is over. Once under the table, keep your eyes on Twitter for clues on when it is finally safe to come back out.
• Stay Calm: In the event that you become trapped under some rubble during the earthquake, don't panic. If possible, tweet your whereabouts and pleas for help so that somebody knows to come help, and how to find you. Using a clever hashtag such as #frackcitybitch should ensure a more rapid response.
• Survey The Damage: After coming out from your hole, be wary of falling debris, as well as things like gas leaks. An easy way to confirm that latter is by lighting a match. If you do notice anything tipped over, it's probably best to tweet about it — y'know, for insurance purposes.
• Rebuild: There's really no need to cry over spilled milk, beer or whatever else was in that lone glass that tipped over during the rumbling. Doing so only lets the quake know that it has won. It's best to just keep your head down, take a quick Instagram of the damage and move on. Wipe up that spill and grab another drink already. You've earned it.
• Move To Denton: Maybe all these new Dallas quakes are caused by fracking. Maybe they're not. If all the above seems like too much hassle, though, maybe it's just better to play it safe and relocate to a frack-free city.