We Mustered Up The Courage To Try Taco Bell's Waffle Taco. We Didn't Like It.

Welcome to Look At This Fucking Dish, our recurring feature highlighting the craziest, most decadent dishes we can find. It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like.

“Right now, I'm eating a Waffle Taco and you're not.”

These are the last rites that adorn the slender cardboard container holding the morning's bounty. Greasy handprints mark the exterior, as if to assure you that human hands did indeed touch this at one point or another. And, once cracked open, the goods contained inside are expectedly disquieting.

At the end of last month, Taco Bell released a slew of new items onto its menu, many of which were oriented toward the breakfast diner. Now, normally this wouldn't matter. A fast food chain rolling out new menu items? Who cares?

And then you look at the unholy things that Taco Bell created.

Things such as the a.m. Crunchwrap, the a.m. Grilled Taco and the flag-bearer, the Waffle Taco, are meant to bring about a new source of morning monetary gain for the company. And all of these new items are equally distressing to your stomach.

Now, obviously, many of the problems with these “dishes” stem from them being fast food. And, full disclosure, I hate fast food. I don't eat it, and I believe it to be a horrible, terrible thing. But seeing these breakfast ideas, which could only have come from the mind of a teenager who just waked-and-baked, intrigued me.

Historically, Mexican food just doesn't work in a breakfast setting outside of a breakfast burrito or a breakfast taco. So, Taco Bell is trying to change all that by filling tortillas with every breakfast staple. Their a.m. Crunchwrap, for example, packs hash browns, eggs and your choice of sausage or bacon into a fried tortilla. And, while not unbearably bad and more on the reserved side ingredients-wise, it raises the question of just what can you put inside a tortilla.

Shaped hash browns in a tortilla? It works, surprisingly. So the a.m. Crunchwrap gets a pass. It's OK. It's fit for human consumption. If you're desperate, hung over, on your way to work and in front of a Taco Bell, I might even recommend you buy one.

But the big seller, the one that is splattered on banners all over the place — the Waffle Taco — is just the bottom of the barrel when it comes to fast food. Where the a.m. Crunchwrap was at least conceivable outside of a fast food setting, the Waffle Taco is just an absurd and outlandish combination of your standard breakfast plate at IHOP, all rolled together with the low quality ingredients of fast food

Sausage? Check. Eggs? Check. Waffle? Check. Syrup to drench that summofabitch? Yes.

And, listen closely: It. Is. Disgusting.

The idea is the pinnacle of stoner food. There really is no other way that something like this could have been ushered forth into this world. What it boils down to is a waffle — picture a soggy Eggo — that is folded with a sausage patty and eggs in it.

Nothing about the thing works. The texture and general sogginess of the taco makes it hard to eat. The flavor is made unbearable with the cheap waffle “taco shell.” A novel idea overall, but c'mon, a waffle taco? There isn't a way that can work.

And drink pairings? Impossible. The only thing I could find to down the flavor and the horrible, lingering sorrow was a nice, dark ale. I think that's the first time I haven't felt bad about drinking at 8 a.m. on a weekday.

So, while these new breakfast items won't change the way you see fast food — in fact, they'll probably just reinforce your perceptions — they are super outlandish and novel, and a hilarious food to fill in those post-illicit-substance-holes in your diet.

So, to the wake-and-baker who dreamt these things up: We tip our hats to your inventiveness.

But, aside from that, you failed humanity as a whole.

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