Your April Fools Joke Backfired? Well, Crap.
Every Tuesday, we take a long hard look at one of the tougher situations we face in our stressful, day-to-day lives and wonder aloud, “How can we eat our way out of this mess?” Because where there's food, there's a way. Your individual results with these easy-to-make recipes may vary, granted. But instant gratification is pretty much always guaranteed. Looking for more Eat Your Feelings assistance? Check out this recurring feature's archives right here.
Situation: You jokingly broke up with your main squeeze yesterday — but only as an April Fools prank. Only, your significant other didn't get the joke, and subsequently went off on a rant about all those times he/she has cheated on you. Not quite what you had in mind.
Feelings: shocked, sad, mad and regretful.
Goal: At this point, staying calm should be your main goal. No, that whole thing didn't quite go as you'd planned. But, hey, this is information you would've want to know eventually.
First things first, let's get these feelings under control.
The last place you want to be right now is sitting at home alone. So get out of your house. Just go somewhere, anywhere. Even the nearest 7-Eleven will work.
Actually, it'll work perfectly. Because, here, you can make yourself a beefy cheesy taquito boat. And that sucker will get you back on the right emotional track immediately.
Ingredients: two beef taquitos, the free 7-Eleven condiment bar (chili, cheese, pico de gallo, onions and jalapenos).
1. Order two beef taquitos from the clerk and ask that they place them in one of their cardboard hot dog containers rather than the paper sleeve in which these drunken treats are normally served.
2. Bring your taquitos over to the free chili and cheese dispenser. Dispense to taste immediately upon the taquitos.
3. Move on over to the condiment bar and place pico de gallo, onions and jalapenos on top of your chili and cheese. Again, how much you drop onto your meal is your call.
4. Grab yourself a plastic fork.
5. Go to town.
No only is this glutinous treat is so easy to make, but it's so cheap, too. You'll only need $2.47. In exchange, you'll suppress all of the feelings stirred up by those terrible things your now-ex just told you about.
And remember: A cheater is always a cheater. You're too good for that loser anyways.