This Week, Dallas Keeps It 100, According To The Human Rights Campaign At Least.

Welcome to D-Rated, in which we try to determine if the quality of life in Dallas and its surrounding areas is moving up or down by arbitrarily awarding and subtracting point values to our living situation based on current events.

Profanely Absurd: Pardon my language, but what the fuck is going on down in Alvarado? A few months ago, there was a heated girls' basketball game between Burleson and Alvarado. Things got crazy. Burleson coach Jessica Curs allegedly used profanity. That's when off-duty Alvarado cop Gary Melson tried to arrest her. No arrest was made at the time and she was free to go. Then Curs went on to her next game, where another Alvarado officer issued her a warning for 'criminal trespass.” She signed the warning and was allowed to stay and observe, but not allowed to coach. A few months later, she received an arrest warrant in the mail for “evading arrest.” She turned herself in and spent six hours in jail. She's unlikely to face criminal charges, even though prosecutors were recently considering filing a Class A misdemeanor because, according to police paperwork, Curs tried to “intentionally” flee. Come on, you guys. As Clay Davis would say, “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt.” Minus 3.

Right On: It's been a long time coming, but the City of Dallas finally tied Austin as being the best city in Texas for LGBTQ residents. Yup, the Human Rights Campaign gave our fair city a perfect 100 score, since LGBTQ government employees (including police and firefighters) now earn equal benefits and treatment. Also fun? Dallas scored a whole 100 points higher than Irving! But that isn't surprising. They don't even like kids with clocks out there. Plus 4.

Drilled: Last Friday, in a scene reminiscent of Bring It On, a dancer from James Madison came over while Wilmer Hutchins' drill team was performing and started doing her own routine. She hit a WH dancer in the back of the head, and then a brawl ensued. The melee was over quickly, but none of the girls involved will be allowed to participate at future games. Minus 1.

King of the Cassel: Tony Romo may have gone down with broken clavicle (y'know, as opposed to hurting his widdle pinkie a few years ago), but help is on the way! Because, uh, Brandon Weeden, who used to play for the Cleveland Browns, a team that hasn't made the playoffs since 2002, might not be enough. But now we've got Matt Cassel, who once backed up Tom Brady and was recently declared to not be as good as Tyrod Taylor! Looks like it’s going to be a great season. (For me, the schadenfreude is too much to handle.) Plus 6, for optimism.

Playing with Fire: In a particularly disturbing case, former funeral home owner Dondre Johnson will serve two years in jail for felony theft. What makes this case so disturbing? Well, Johnson would regularly overcharge customers to cremate their loved ones, then he'd simply let the bodies — including those of children — decompose on the property. He'd even give the family members ashes that weren't of their loved ones. The case is slightly complicated because Johnson's wife is currently in prison for food stamp fraud, meaning their four children will spend the next two years visiting their parents behind bars. Minus 2.

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin’ On: We're going for a record, folks. With Sunday's 2.6-magnitude earthquake near the old Texas Stadium and another on Tuesday, we've now hit 80 quakes in the last 12 months. While SMU researchers indicate there is a fault line between Irving and Dallas, I will give you one wild guess why we've seen an increase in these tremors in the last few years. (Hint: It doesn't have to do with Kevin Bacon.) Minus 1.

Deep Fried Selfie: In the name of safety and making sure the only reason you look ridiculous is because you've got mustard on your chin, the State Fair of Texas is banning selfie sticks for this year. Not only are they a nuisance that pose threats to your and others, you also look like a jackass when using one, especially if you’re standing in the middle of the midway trying to get that perfect shot. Plus, I don’t want the State Fair to be on the news this year because some idiot fell off the Ferris wheel. Remember: Big Tex has his eye on you. (Also, and this is for real, more people have died from selfie stick-related incidents than shark attacks.) Plus 1.

This Week's Count: Plus 4.
Last Week's Running Total: Minus 10.
This Week's Running Total: Minus 6.

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