Lions, Sharks and Babies. What Could Go Wrong?
Welcome to D-Rated, our weekly feature that tries to determine if things are looking up or down for Dallasites by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.
Tony Romo now has as many children as he does playoff victories: No. 9 and his blushing bride Candace Romo (nee Crawford) served up burgers made with beaver meat today, much to the delight of grown-ups with adolescent senses of humor across town. Tune in next week as Burger House in the Park Cities offers up burgers made of muffs. Minus 3.
He is Pastor, hear him roar: Pastor Ed Young of the Fellowship Church of Grapevine brought in a live, caged lion to use during his Easter sermon this past weekend, causing perfectly employable bunnies everywhere needless worry about job security. Minus 3.
Blinded by the light: Dallas Area Rapid Transit when police found 11 whole sharks and 2,073 shark fins in his boat and arrested him and his friend, neither of whom is apparently scared of anything. Minus 11.
Baby off board: A teacher and award-winning volleyball coach is suing the Heritage Christian Academy in Rockwall, who fired her this past fall after discovering that she had become pregnant out of wedlock. Would they have preferred it if she'd had an abortion? Minus 12.
No harm, no foul: A Dallas judge ruled this week that it's perfectly OK to pray for harm upon others, so long as you don't actually do anything else to bring harm upon those people you're praying against. Writers at ABC's GCB have come out in support of the decision, as it makes no fewer than 17 upcoming story lines more plausible. Plus 2.
He really delivers While passing through North Texas this week, a truck driver stopped to help a woman in labor deliver her child right there on the side of the road. Remarkably, it's the third time he's done so in the past 13 years. More remarkably, he still refuses to honk his horn when students on passing school buses urge him to do so. Plus 3.
He's a maniac: The FBI arrested the owner of Arlington strip club Flashdancers this week on charges that he was plotting to kill the mayor of Arlington. We're understand there's more to this story, but the song playing as we were being told ended and we couldn't afford to hear any more. Minus 1 (in tips).
Aces in the hole: Yu Darvish and Neftali Feliz both won their first starts this week, and the Rangers won four of their first five games. No one on the East Coast noticed. Plus 4.
Bowling for coup: Looks like a pretty perfect time, too. And think about all this could mean for the Ticket City Bowl! Plus 25
Oh, Dumb: The Mavericks cut ties with No. 7 in your programs, Lamar Odom, after spending $8.9 million on him this season. All Odom offered in return for his earnings was 6.6 points per game, 4.2 rebounds a game and 3.9 exasperated sighs per game. Minus 8.9.
Last week's total: Plus 4.86.
This week's count: Plus 1.1.
This week's total: Plus 5.96.