I Don't Care About Your New Year's Resolutions.

Dear Narcissist,
I, like everyone else, would like to be a better, thinner, healthier person in 2013. But I've never been able to keep a New Year's resolution. What are some attainable resolutions worth having this time around?
— Daring to be Different in Deep Ellum

God, you people are so pressed. New Years Resolutions? Seriously? People seriously still do that? Why can't you just try to be awesome all the time?

I'm only going to touch on this briefly, but the juxtaposition of “better” and “thinner” makes me sad. Maybe instead of trying to be thinner, you should try to like yourself.

I can't rag on New Years Resolutions too much, though.

Psych! I totally can and probably will!

But, yeah, I used to make them. I remember I used to promise myself that I would stop sniffing Play-Doh and that, in the New Year, I would magically grow 10 inches. Obviously, neither of those things have happened, but that doesn't mean I'm against New Year's Resolutions simply because they're ineffective.

I'm mostly against them because, as you might already know, I hate arbitrary date-based events. They're up there on my hate list somewhere near “platypi” and “any TV show starring Jennifer Love Hewitt.”

If you're in the mood for some real talk, though, check this out: If you have to wait for a certain day to change something about yourself, chances are that you aren't 100 percent invested in that change anyway, and that you're just setting yourself up for failure.

Happy 2013!

Dear Narcissist,
There's no way the new Arrested Development season lives up to the expectations I have for it in my mind, right?
-Model Homemaker on McKinney

Why do you think I have an opinion on your expectations about Arrested Development? What's wrong with you? Also, are you stuck in 2003 and haven't watched a new show since then, and now spend all of your time making shitty “there's always money in the banana stand” jokes every single time somebody says the word “banana?”

While I indeed have a hate list (see previous answer), I also have an extensive list of things that I care about more than your expectations of Arrested Development. That list includes: Sarah Palin's Twitter Feed, the suggested microwave time on individual popcorn bags, people who get mad when you dog-ear books, anything that's cranberry flavored, libertarians, erasable pens, my sister's LiveJournal analysis of Les Mis and Katy Perry's opinions on feminism.

Dear Narcissist,
U mad bro?
– Memed in the Mid-Cities

Always.

Got a question for the Narcissist? Email her!

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