An Arbitrary Look At What The Stars Have In Store For You.

Welcome to our unlicensed astrological look at the week to come. We are not professional astrologists, we just have gut feelings. Take these horoscopes as you will.

Aquarius (January 20 through February 18)
Don't touch another person's bangs.

Pisces (February 19 through March 20)
This year's New Year's Resolution: Coming up with a New Year's Resolution for next year.

Aries (March 21 through April 19)
If you go to a restaurant within two weeks of its opening, you should expect a few things to go wrong.

Taurus (April 20 through May 20)
Maybe listen to something other than Kendrick Lamar for the next five minutes?

Gemini (May 21 through June 20)
HAPPY HANUKKAH!

Cancer (June 21 through July 22)
Secret Santa isn't as fun as your boss thinks it is.

Leo (July 23 through August 22)
The one in front of the gun lives forever.

Virgo (August 23 through September 22)
Your roommate will do the dishes. Eventually.

Libra (September 23 through October 22)
Drink more!

Scorpio (October 23 through November 21)
Finals suck, huh?

Sagittarius (November 22 through December 21)
Monkey Wearing a Coat is your new favorite meme.

Capricorn (December 22 through January 19)
Your Chewbacca impression is not as good as you think it is.

2969_2

2969_3

2969_4

2969_5

2969_6

2969_7

2969_8

2969_9

2969_10

2969_11

2969_12

2969_13

2969_14

2969_15

2969_16

2969_17

2969_18

2969_19

2969_20

2969_21

2969_22

2969_23

2969_24

2969_25

2969_26

2969_27

2969_28

2969_29

2969_30

2969_31

2969_32

2969_33

2969_34

2969_35

2969_36

2969_37

2969_38

2969_39

2969_40

2969_41

2969_42

2969_43

2969_44

2969_45

2969_46

2969_47

2969_48

2969_49

2969_50

No more articles
X