An Arbitrary Look At What The Stars Have In Store For You.

Welcome to our unlicensed astrological look at the week to come. We are not professional astrologists, we just have gut feelings. Take these horoscopes as you will.

Aquarius (January 20 through February 18)
Fingerless gloves are a state of mind.

Pisces (February 19 through March 20)
Today is the first day of the rest of your week.

Aries (March 21 through April 19)
All plastic everything.

Taurus (April 20 through May 20)
Ain't no shame in your raw cookie dough eating game.

Gemini (May 21 through June 20)
Too much coffee may make you jittery, but it may also endear you to that cute barista. Life's about trade-offs.

Cancer (June 21 through July 22)
Your excuse for not joining a gym — that it's too busy right now because of New Year's resolutions and whatnot — is pretty weak. So too, consequently, is your core.

Leo (July 23 through August 22)
In case you forgot: Board games are still fun.

Virgo (August 23 through September 22)
This is your reminder that Season 3 of Game of Thrones kicks off on March 31.

Libra (September 23 through October 22)
It's really not that cold. Quit whining.

Scorpio (October 23 through November 21)
Be careful when driving in school zones. School is back in session and you will get a ticket if you're not careful.

Sagittarius (November 22 through December 21)
You will not get arthritis from cracking your knuckles, so tell our mom to shut up already.

Capricorn (December 22 through January 19)
You ether spend too much time or not enough time on Reddit. There's no appropriate amount.

3126_2

3126_3

3126_4

3126_5

3126_6

3126_7

3126_8

3126_9

3126_10

3126_11

3126_12

3126_13

3126_14

3126_15

3126_16

3126_17

3126_18

3126_19

3126_20

3126_21

3126_22

3126_23

3126_24

3126_25

3126_26

3126_27

3126_28

3126_29

3126_30

3126_31

3126_32

3126_33

3126_34

3126_35

3126_36

3126_37

3126_38

3126_39

3126_40

3126_41

3126_42

3126_43

3126_44

3126_45

3126_46

3126_47

3126_48

3126_49

3126_50

No more articles
X