An Arbitrary Look At What The Stars Have In Store For You.

Welcome to our unlicensed astrological look at the week to come. We are not professional astrologists, we just have gut feelings. Take these horoscopes as you will.

Aquarius (January 20 through February 18)
No one will immediately understand your Hanging Chad costume this Halloween, but, hey, screw 'em.

Pisces (February 19 through March 20)
You don't have to go out every night, you know.

Aries (March 21 through April 19)
There's such a thing as too much coffee.

Taurus (April 20 through May 20)
Facebook chat is the new text message is the new phone call is the new face-to-face.

Gemini (May 21 through June 20)
Laundry happens.

Cancer (June 21 through July 22)
It's not so bad. Really. Unless it is.

Leo (July 23 through August 22)
Seriously, get your desk in order. It's a mess. How do you even think straight?

Virgo (August 23 through September 22)
Flirt much?

Libra (September 23 through October 22)
It wouldn't hurt you to do a sit-up once in a while.

Scorpio (October 23 through November 21)
Hey, we all have our vices.

Sagittarius (November 22 through December 21)
Watching a single episode of Dog Whisperer doesn't make you an expert in pets.

Capricorn (December 22 through January 19)
Don't spend too much time talking about your favorite TV shows. It's unbecoming.

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