An Arbitrary Look At What The Stars Have In Store For You.

Welcome to our unlicensed astrological look at the week to come. We are not professional astrologists, we just have gut feelings. Take these horoscopes as you will.

Aquarius (January 20 through February 18)
Before Craigslist, how could you ever know if you were someone's Missed Connection?

Pisces (February 19 through March 20)
Two weeks until the NBA season starts. Two weeks until the NBA season starts. Two weeks until the NBA season starts. Two weeks until the NBA season starts. Two weeks until the NBA season starts…

Aries (March 21 through April 19)
Lean how to recognize spam and stop believing those Twitter direct messages with links claiming that someone's talking shit about you.

Taurus (April 20 through May 20)
Maybe it's time you tried out ChristianMingle.com.

Gemini (May 21 through June 20)
Remember to tell Siri to remind you to pay your credit card bill this month.

Cancer (June 21 through July 22)
You're fun. You know that?

Leo (July 23 through August 22)
Wouldn't it be cool if, just like in your fantasy football league, you could drop Tony Romo and pick up Eli Manning, no problem?

Virgo (August 23 through September 22)
Becoming a CEO isn't as simple as declaring it on your Twitter profile's bio.

Libra (September 23 through October 22)
You watch way too much House Hunters. Switch things up from time to time and watch House Hunters International.

Scorpio (October 23 through November 21)
Whatever. You didn't really want to watch the Major League Baseball Playoffs anyway.

Sagittarius (November 22 through December 21)
You're gonna wear that shirt? You always where that shirt.

Capricorn (December 22 through January 19)
“Strip club?” is the most dangerous question a person can be asked.

2657_2

2657_3

2657_4

2657_5

2657_6

2657_7

2657_8

2657_9

2657_10

2657_11

2657_12

2657_13

2657_14

2657_15

2657_16

2657_17

2657_18

2657_19

2657_20

2657_21

2657_22

2657_23

2657_24

2657_25

2657_26

2657_27

2657_28

2657_29

2657_30

2657_31

2657_32

2657_33

2657_34

2657_35

2657_36

2657_37

2657_38

2657_39

2657_40

2657_41

2657_42

2657_43

2657_44

2657_45

2657_46

2657_47

2657_48

2657_49

2657_50

No more articles
X