An Arbitrary Look At What The Stars Have In Store For You.

Welcome to our unlicensed astrological look at the week to come. We are not professional astrologists, we just have gut feelings. Take these horoscopes as you will.

Aquarius (January 20 through February 18)
Throw convention to the wind and talk politics and religion with everyone you meet!

Pisces (February 19 through March 20)
Babies are cute, but, remember, if you smile at too many of them, people might get the wrong impression about you. Especially if you've recently grown a mustache.

Aries (March 21 through April 19)
Fight that speeding ticket! You might win! Or not.

Taurus (April 20 through May 20)
Your breath stinks. Brush your teeth.

Gemini (May 21 through June 20)
Your diet starts tomorrow!

Cancer (June 21 through July 22)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T VISITED THE STATE FAIR YET?

Leo (July 23 through August 22)
Better to know in advance: The hardest part of assembling a group of friends to dress up as the Saved by the Bell cast for Halloween is deciding who gets to play Zack.

Virgo (August 23 through September 22)
You look good. Like really good. Have you been working out?

Libra (September 23 through October 22)
You probably masturbate too much.

Scorpio (October 23 through November 21)
This is the week you find out if dogs really die when you feed them chocolate.

Sagittarius (November 22 through December 21)
Don't be sad when your roommate leaves town. It's a second bed to “do it” in!

Capricorn (December 22 through January 19)
If you bring snacks to work, be sure to bring enough for everybody or all of your co-workers will hate you (except for the few you gave snacks to).

2615_2

2615_3

2615_4

2615_5

2615_6

2615_7

2615_8

2615_9

2615_10

2615_11

2615_12

2615_13

2615_14

2615_15

2615_16

2615_17

2615_18

2615_19

2615_20

2615_21

2615_22

2615_23

2615_24

2615_25

2615_26

2615_27

2615_28

2615_29

2615_30

2615_31

2615_32

2615_33

2615_34

2615_35

2615_36

2615_37

2615_38

2615_39

2615_40

2615_41

2615_42

2615_43

2615_44

2615_45

2615_46

2615_47

2615_48

2615_49

2615_50

No more articles
X