An Arbitrary Look At What The Stars Have In Store For You.

Welcome to our unlicensed astrological look at the week to come. We are not professional astrologists, we just have gut feelings. Take these horoscopes as you will.

Aquarius (January 20 through February 18)
If you look at the bottom of your drawer, you'll find a long-forgotten favorite shirt. This is a metaphor.

Pisces (February 19 through March 20)
Coffee is your friend.

Aries (March 21 through April 19)
Your diet starts tomorrow.

Taurus (April 20 through May 20)
Smile more.

Gemini (May 21 through June 20)
Turns out you can pick your friend's nose.

Cancer (June 21 through July 22)
People listen when you speak. Shocking, I know.

Leo (July 23 through August 22)
Happy hours lead to fuzzy hours.

Virgo (August 23 through September 22)
Always lock the bathroom door behind you.

Libra (September 23 through October 22)
Make no mistake: That frequent late-night texting friend wants to be more than friends.

Scorpio (October 23 through November 21)
No one is as cool as their Facebook profile suggests.

Sagittarius (November 22 through December 21)
The drinks you've bought should equal the drinks you've got.

Capricorn (December 22 through January 19)
Sometimes, you just have to watch an entire four-season television series over the course of a weekend.

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